Happy day-before-teachers'-day day :D :P :) ;)
daily jokes are here again XD

Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are questions asked of witnesses during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses.

Were you alone or by yourself? (got diff meh???)

Did he kill you? (yeah, he did. This is a ghost you are seeing now =.=)

How many times have you succeeded in committing suicide? (how many times CAN you commit suicide? =.=)

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. (well, do you do one on a living person???)

Q: All of your answers must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral. (not literary ‘oral’ =.=lll)

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.
Q: But could he have been still alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

damn retarded XD
haha.
enjoy your holiday, remember to do the 私函, otherwise tang will kill us XD

-POOP

WANG LINNA! DON'T SAY I DIDN'T POST!!! CAUSE I AM!!! NOW!!!

Ok, I don't know what to post, so I am crapping here... now, home econs is boring... lalalalala...

tomorrow is TEACHERS' DAY!!! and everyone is just gonna study chem and chem and more chem!!!

I'll freak out for lit, who won't?

so... HAPPY TEACHERS'S DAY/HOLS!!!

-Sayoran-

OSIM!!!

first, HAPPEE BIRTHDAY JIAMIN :D :P :) ;)

daily jokes is back :D
posting more pics, since i found alot of pics :)
ahaha! the sign is damn cute XD this is called 爱护动物

-POOP

horray for sihui's big mouth :D :P :) ;)
ok, first, reminders
#1 bring $10 for yearbook (due monday)
#2 bring $2 for class fund (not sure due when, but asap)
#3 home ec! (due tuesday)
#4 not to add pressure, but for the third time (after sihui and =15='s post) mug study for chem and lit

ya... haiii... horrible wk 10...
anyway, i shall post somemore pics :D
since they say "a picture says a thousand words" i shall post more 'thousand words' on the blog :D
i really 佩服 the person who wrote this sign.
even my 3 year old brother also know what is a banana =.=

-POOP

Since Linna says that I have not been posting and ask me to 快点回来...(refering to the post on chatbox on 15 Aug 10, 05:50 PM)

I shall post!!

I shall add to to Sayora's post....
Next week we have TWO KILLER TEST!! I repeat it's TWO and they are both KILLER!!

whoohoo! its still not past 12 so its still friday, so i wasnt late :D

today i shall post a super funny pic :D
ahaha XD damn cute! XD
TGIF! happy weekends :D

-POOP

cause of me and my big mouth, I have to do a post everyday... damn... I should make it 7 days... maybe 2 weeks and not give in... too soft hearted already...

Anyways, I dunno what to post so I'm gonna roughly say what test we're gonna have next week...

Actually, I also dunno... only know Friday got EL Lit... yah, for that, I'm gonna fail, since I can't write fast, or it will all be crap...

And now, I'm done with my first post of crap... bb!


-Sayoran-

TGIT! but its still not friday T.T
anyway, todays joke:

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

ahaha. the woman damn stupid! of course is the last one la! XD

-POOP

first, get well soon to Audrey,
(although i bet she'll force her way out of hospital before she does)
and jiayous for history test tmr!
haha. friday's art and 听写 sure die le.
nvm. history is hard. so its more important.


ok. enough chit-chat.
heres todays daily joke:

A Mom is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. "It is not polite."
"OK," the little girl says, "how much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card for adults, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 39."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heavens name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why is that?"
"Because you got an F in sex."

ahaah! lesson learnt: always keep you drivers license (or Ezlink card) well hidden

-POOP

HAPPEE BIRTHDAY ANN AND JINGMEI! :D :P :) ;)

today's daily jokes will be...

Make sure he's dead

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?”

ahaha! damn funny! super idiot la, that person XD

-POOP

OSIM. i forgot to post again...
cause i reached home very late ytd, then never on com...
so today will have 2 jokes :D

Husband : You know dear, our son got his brain from me.
Wife : I think he did, I've still got mine with me!

XD haha. next time someone says the son/daughter got their brain from them, then can use this XD

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The
nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: Take only ONE. God is
watching.

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was
a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note,
"Take all you want. God's watching the apples.

ahaha! super cute XD

-POOP

daily jokes is here :D

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue.""What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a
sandwich and a glass of milk."Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

lol! damn retarded! XD
ahaha. the jokes forum really have alot of funny jokes XD

-POOP

TGIF!
daily jokes are baaacccckkk :D :P :) ;)

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence.

Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

poor fish. or should i say poor cat. lol.

-POOP

daily jokes is here :D

this joke is related to 成语 so i dont think can translate.

词解

上语文课时，老师向同学们解释 “惊慌失措”，“不知所云”，“如释重负”，“一如既往”四个词语。

恰巧，某同学正在呼呼大睡。老师拍了下桌子，该学生顿时坐了起来，拿起书便看。老师说：“这便是惊慌失措。”接着，老师让他回答问题，他站起来支支吾吾半天。这是老师说：“这便是不知所云，请坐！”这位同学长长地舒了一口气坐了下来。老师又说：“这便是如释重负。”等老师走上讲台，那同学又趴下睡觉。老师猛一转身，指着他说：“这便是一如既往。”

damn funny XD XD XD
haha. if this were to happen in real life the whole entire class sure will get the meaning lorhs...

-POOP

as promised, daily jokes part 2 is here :D :P :) ;)

Wake him up yourself
During lesson time, a student fell asleep. The teacher found out, and shouted furiously "The student beside him, quickly wake him up!"

Meanwhile, an unknown student answered "You yourself made him fall asleep so you wake him up yourself."

XD haha! yes! agree! XD XD XD


also, i STRONGLY RECOMMEND a few articles from the newest issue of 少年文摘:

青春的调色板 pg 56 - 58
Sch story.
haha. i was first attracted to this article by its illustration - a BIG BIG butt.
even after i read the story i dont get why the butt is there, but nvm, the story is still nice, even without the big butt :D

A girl wears pink pink and pink from head to toe every single day. A boy is just so sick and tired of her looks that he decided to play a prank...

雨后的天空，飘着朵宽恕的云 pg 64 - 67
Sch story.
A very lonely girl suddenly gets the company of the most popular girl in class. For the first time in her life did she not feel lonely... but...

ok, thats all for now :D

-POOP

halo ppl :D
this is part 1 of today's daily jokes :D
why have 2 parts?
cause we got 少年文摘 today so i wanted to post the jokes,
but i never bring my book to library...
so i first post a joke from the internet,
then later i post another one from 少年文摘 :D

Never argue with a woman...
A couple go on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Ontario. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.

Along comes a law enforcement officer in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "isn't it obvious?")

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman." "But I haven't even touched you," says the officer."

"That's true, but you have all the equipment." The Officer says "have a nice day.

quite a long one. very retarded XD
haha. i love this forum. i shall read it often :D

await part 2 of daily jokes XD XD XD

-POOP

daily jokes is back :D

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief... "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"Oh my God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's
my Rolex?"

retarded person lor... XD XD XD

-POOP

yay! i chased the blogwalkers away :D
well, im not sure if i really chased them away but at least they didnt come for 42h XD
ahahaha... im being random XD

Cheap Brain

The patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say.

"Things don't look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves."

"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives.
"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000." Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood.

A few actually smirked.

But the patient's daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?"

"A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team.
"Women's brains have to be marked down because they have actually been used."

XD we have cheap brains cause they are old, used brains
while guys have ex, brand new brains that have never been used XD

-POOP

whoohoo! 100th post :D
by the end of the year should get at least 200 posts bah...
if i have the perseverance to continue with daily jokes, that is :D
ytd i saw this super retarded joke on some jokes forum XD

Making Money
Thesis:

Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true.
Postulate 1:

Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2:

Time is Money.
Proof:

As every engineer knows,

Work
--------- = Power
Time

since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have

Work
--------- = Knowledge
Money

solving for Money, we get

Work
--------- = Money
Knowledge

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion:

The less you know, the more money you make.

XD since its like this,
then why do we bother to go to school to have more knowledge???


-POOP

HAPPY YOG :D

joke(s) of the day:

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how??...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

[c]opyrighted http://my.opera.com/lounge/forums/topic.dml?id=23678

ahaha! damn funny!
i wanted to look for some jokes related to weekend but this is just damn funny XD
ahaha! i love these jokes... XD

-POOP

TGIF :D
First, let us remember some of the epic stuffs in sch

Mrs Gurung: If you all happen to die (dive) next time...

XD damn funny. haha.
we all will have "a chance to die" XD
ahaha.
ok daily jokes :D

Friday 13th Funny Story

Roger left for work on Friday 13th morning. Friday was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay packet.

Finally, Roger appeared at home on Sunday night, and obviously he was confronted by his angry wife, Martha who castigated Roger for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally, Martha stopped the nagging and said to Roger, 'How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?'

Roger replied grimly, 'That would be fine with me.'

Monday went by and he didn't see his Martha. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

On Thursday, the swelling went down just enough so that Roger he could see Martha a little out of the corner of his left eye.

ahaha! Damn retarded!

-POOP

hey ppl,
the test is finally over!!!
no more tests XD XD XD
whoohoo!

ok. anyway,
quote of the day:

"Two roads diverge in a wood, and I - I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference."

- Robert Frost

-POOP

Whoohoo! 2 days to Friday! :D
Jiayous for 统一!
Joke of the day:

Dad: how were the exam questions?
Son: easy.
Dad: then why do you look so gloomy?
Son: I was fine with the questions. It was te answers that gave me trouble.

lol! Retarded XD

-POOP

Hey ppl :D
Sry for not posting ytd,
No time la.... Haha.
Anyway, HAPPEE NDP!!!
(although it's alreadybpast 12...)
ok. Enough chit chat.
Ytd's post:
(this one is the English version of a joke from Yes 93.3,
So I think a lot of ppl hear before,
But nvm, I shall still post anyway.)

Two brothers were on an airplane.
One of them were feeling sick,
So he vomited into the paper bag,
But he only had one bag and it was almost full.
So, the older brother went to ask for another bag from the air strewess.

When he came back with another bag,
Everyone in the plane was vomitting.
Do you know war happened???

Answer: the younger brother drank his vomit fromi the bag ,
So that the bag have space for him to vomit somemore.

Damn gross XP
But super funny...
Haha XD


Today's joke:

since today is Singapore's birthday,
i shall post some birthday one-liners XD

Blowing out candles is good exercise for the lungs.
The only assured gift that every one of us gets on our birthday is another year.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.

[c]opyright http://www.theholidayspot.com/

-POOP

Omg. Shit. I almost forgot to blog...
But I remembered :D
Ok, this joke is something related to maths.

A: why does 1 - 1 = 2
B: why?
A: because
我有一只笔。我捡（减）了一只，所以总共有两只。

Haha. Super diao...

-POOP

whoohoo! HAPPEE NDP XD
this long weekend super slack!
cause next week nothing really to study :D
(except the history and geog assignment,
unless you wanna study 统一)
so can enjoy our 4-day-holiday :D


joke of the day:

TGIF and SHIT

A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."
She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.
He again answered, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."
The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"
The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday.'

ahahah!!!
damn funny XD


-POOP

hey ppl,
TGIT!!!
LONG WEEKENDS ARE COMING XD
AND TMR IS JUST SLACK DAY XD
WE LOVE YOU, SINGAPORE XD XD XD
haha. ok. done with my ai-high-ing.
now that finally all the tests are over,
time for daily jokes :D

Looking back

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"

A small voice from the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; she's still old, nasty, and wrinkled"

ahaha! so bad, that student!
but damn funny!
i think can apply to Molly and Miss Gwee XD
(where's Miss Gwee anyway, she just dissappeared into thin air???)


-POOP

chem sucks...
it seriously sucks...
anyway, the reason im here is not for another grumbling session,
im here for some famous quotes :D

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.

so... stupid chem, bye bye,
now lets enjoy the rest of this wonderful week :D
one more day!

-POOP

hey, daily jokes is here :D

but first,
JIAYOUS FOR CHEM TEST!
(Mr Chng said its gonna be easy, but please la, who would believe in a teacher when he says that the paper is easy?)

Q: How to make a 10-year-old boy smarter?
A: Turn him into a 'her'

XD
i THINK its from a facebook group or sth...


-POOP

Daily jokes is back :D

Impossible to Please
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

ahaha! no lor... it is very possible to please women...

-POOP

OSIM tmr T.T
i shall post a quote today
(source: mrt station)

"Tough times never last but tough people do."
half of the horrible school term is over!
endure 5more weeks and we're done with T3!


-POOP

ST. Nicks
2 Truth family
40 unique members.

Alicia
band
Weiling
st johns
Ann
hockey
literature rep
Szeteng
library
IT rep
ACC rep
Siew kei
npcc
Keyue
华会
Claire
hockey
home econs rep (1st half)
Christabel
band
Claudie
st johns
Elisabeth
girl guides
art rep
Shanice
green club
Xinyi
chinese orchestra
Cara
green club
IT rep
Sher Ting
华会
Jasmine
band
geog rep
Jamie
ijym
science rep
Jolene
library
chinese rep
Kylie
library
semester 2 welfare councilor
Joelle
dance
history rep
Laurel
library
PE rep
Lynnette
Girl guides
Semester 2 security councilor
Shao Min
string ochestra
english rep
Kar Yee
chinese orchestra
Melony
band
Debbie
dance
Home econs rep (2nd half)
Jia Zhen
st johns
Yi Fen
girl guides
semester 2 admin councilor
Giogi
eldds
semester 1 welfare councilor
Yu Hui
band
semester 1 maths rep
semester 1 art rep
semester 2 attendance councilor
Rachel Quek
art club
Shuna
npcc
Sharlene
girl guides
Shirlene
netball
semester 1 admin councilor
Manyun
netball
semester 1 attendance councilor
semester 2 maths rep
Sihui
chinese orchestra
Yongyi
eldds
maths rep
Jia Min
st johns
PE rep
Jing Mei
girl guides
chinese rep
Linna
ijym
Audrey
track & field
semester 1 security councilor

Underline Bold Italic Strikeout

I wan this!
I want that!&I want everything!
Pee/ass:I'm not greedy eh. D:
UNITED&BONDED!!
EVERYONE GET INTO DESIRED S3 CLASS